Tomorrow I board the plane for the US, and I have so many mixed feelings. I've been here in Antigua for the last few days, working on my final reports, receiving all the signatures necessary to officially terminate my sevice, and eating insane amounts of food and ice cream. But leaving Chiantla was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. Saying goodbyes to people who have treated me so well, who have been such great colleagues, who have included me in their families, who have inspired me, who have frustrated me...let's just say that in those moments of expressing gratitude, all bad feelings slipped away and I just felt blessed for this experience I've had and the people who made it what it was. They are people of all ages. My closest friends here have been 8 years old, 10 years old, 22 years old, 60 years old. And they have been the best, most fun company, and have taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
I recall the first time that I visited my beautiful town, how I fell in love with the mountains and gorgeous scenery and envisioned myself doing great work just like the volunteer before me. I waited that night for my boss to return to the hotel where we were staying in Huehue, and once he came through the door, I sat him down and begged him to send me to Chiantla. It was the best decision that I've ever made! Even in my most angry, frustrating moments, I always found tranquility and comfort in the beauty that surrounded me. That town has become like my second home and I am going to miss it terribly!
Out of this experience, I hope to be a better and more responsible person and global citizen, to dedicate my life and career to improving the lives of others, to be more environmentally, politically, socially, and economically consciencous. And to keep in mind what I saw, experienced, and felt here. It's strange (and a little guilty) to think that I'm excited to do things like buy a new computer and new clothes and new everything on return to the states, things I feel I "need" when most of the people I've served in this country couldn't fathom purchasing these things even over a lifetime. Now returning to the US, I hope that you, my family and friends, hold me accountable to that, and to remind me of what I went through in this country when I get stressed or frustrated with things back in the US.
Was this experience what I imagined it would be? Perhaps. Before I left the US, I envisoned "roughing it", having my own dog, having my own avocado tree (which was never the case, although I was tempted to adopt dogs/puppies more times than I'd like to admit). I never thought I'd sometimes be as cold as I was. That I'd collect so many fleabites. That I'd spend so many hours on buses. That I would have such a nice apartment. I did hope that I'd form relationships and friendships that would make my experience special and last a lifetime, and that goal/expectation was fulfilled to a level that I could have never imagined.
People always say how quickly the 2 years went by, but I don't necessarily share that feeling. I came to this country, knowing so little, and two years later it feels like home. I had to learn how to take the buses, how to buy food in the market, how to store water in dry season, how to communicate with people in a way that would make them want to work with me, the list goes on and on. And when I think about "back home" and how much things have changed, it definitely makes me feel that the 2 years went by, not-so-quickly. Andrew and Stephanie's photo albums went from puppy pictures to baby pictures. I no longer receive email updates about my grandmother, since she is no longer with us. My clothes that I packed in August 2009 have now been completely destroyed. I literally have one pair of jeans left that don't have holes everywhere, and they have become paper thin that I hope they can survive the plane ride tomorrow.
Some of my favorite memories here in Guatemala were shared with people back home. Eating helados locos with Becca in Chiantla's central park, visiting the coffee farm with Mom and Dad, climbing the ruins at Tikal with Alex and Fiorella, celebrating my birthday at the Lake with Aunt Patti, Uncle Kenny, Michelle, and Jeff, hiking a volcano way into the clouds with Stefanie and Jason, giving a baking class with Aaron and Alaina, and eating french fries with Elizabeth, Kimberly, and all my little friends under the age of 10...sharing my life here with those back home has been one of the most fun and rewarding parts of my service. Also, being able to travel to the US twice, visiting David in Panama and Mexico, and relaxing on the beach in Honduras have helped me to escape from Guate, unwind, and return with a greater appreciation for what I'm doing here.
Between these wonderful visitors and vacations, I worked hard and feel very content with what I've done here. I think that sometimes, we PCVs like to toot our own horns and brag about the projects and activities that we do. But the last week in my town and the words that people expressed to me have really taught me that the intangibles are the most important outcomes that we could achieve here. Hearing the women in my literacy class say that I taught them how to value themselves as women and have more self-esteem, that my counterpart now understands what "development" really is...those are words that I will never in my life forget. Working in the campo made me feel alive and connected to human beings that couldn't be more different from me in some ways. And being surrounded by Peace Corps Volunteers who are quite a unique breed is something that I will also really miss. The fact that we can can get together, talk for hours about our work and funny stories and stomach amoebias, not judge each other when we show up somewhere in completely mismatched and dirty clothes, and eat dinner off tupperware lids, well that's just something you don't share with friends back in the US too often!
Thanks again to everyone who supported me in this journey. And please be patient with me when I can't stop saying "Well in Guatemala..." "When I was in Guatemala.." and speaking in random Spanglish :) See you all soon!
The folder that our boss presented us on the day that we received our site assignments. I wanted Chiantla so badly and was so nervous that I barely slept for days before!A video that some friends surprised me with at a despedida (going-away party)
You've done some of the most important work anyone can ever do. Please be patient with us as we catch up to what you've already learned.
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